hey everyone,
so I'm back and I have a gut-wrenching feeling that i may be here for a while this time....

That aside- do not buy ephedera. That sounds way too much like all the warnings I heard though so I am going to spell out what I mean, even though I really hate having to put this on a public forum- it has made me gain weight, and I have had a few weird side affects, which i'm just not going into...

Basically- i naturally way 9 stone, 8s my highest, and 10 is when binging, drinking and not exercising. I have only hit 10 naturally once (for me really reallly not great, nothing wrong with it if people are naturally, but for binging its just not good.) I bought some ephedera thinking aha i'm over the ed, will just take this as a safety net (am moron.) I also exercise like fuck, so basically, all my body markers (gap between thighs, mild hipbones, back area not great ) would say that I'm between 8 and a half and 9- i would guesstimate around 8"12, but the scales say 10"12. I realise at leasdt 95% of you are thinking that I am a massive case of fat denial- but there is no way I have a gap and visible bone-tone-ness at 10- I just don't- I have also been restricting like fuck, and there is no way i can reach my highest ever weight without binging (and I haven't been.) and as I can see all mym uscles, I'm going with the ephedera....

so not only can it kill you, not only is it expensive...it has also quite literally made me pile on the pounds. And another sign I have lost a lot is that my periods have stopped, and I get drunk much quicker.

Total niightmare mystery but bascally DONT BUY EPHEDRA. ITS NOT WORTH IT. XX

la lala la la la. la.

I'm spreading hte joy this morning.....

the binge cycle where I literally canot stop is the worst feeling I can inflict on myself... the bitafterwards has to be the best.
With hoodia I had one non fat yoghurt for breakfast, went on a long walk and had a grilled chicken kebab, a spoon full of lentils and a lot of green salad for dinner, and wasn't remotely hungry. Have also discovered that if at family meal times you cover half plate with salad immediately nobody notices.....

I lost 4lbs overnight! (i love hoodia.) I know its just waterweight etc but it feels so very good...

xxx

I have locked myself in the bathroom with my laptop. I am so very cool.

My exams ended today (woot) but i fucked htemn so badly that i have almost certainyl missed my university offer (probs only thing in life have not fucked up and actually achieved.

My mother made champagne cocktails. pizza and chcolate tart i hope that everyone is touched that still remembered to white out when drunk. Went shopping today and on plus side am now 6/8. But i want to be around 106 pounds so bady- and the worse thing is i know i could do it if it was just me. SHe makes me eat. and i just ARGH. i can feel the fat on  alery in my body and its like an infection. I hate it so much. andeveryone says 'you look amazing'befoore then askign if im eatign etc- everyone thinks i look better now tehn my fat distusting self- even my mother so i wish they'd just admit it. sorry for such a downer and lack of support- bu feel like cant leave bathroom. probs wouldnt fit through door anyway.

xxx